What are sexual fantasies? Is it wrong to fantasise? Should I feel ashamed of my own fantasies? Read on to learn more about the taboo topic of sexual fantasies.
Sexual fantasies are mental images or pattern of thoughts that stirs a person’s sexuality. Such fantasies may even enhance sexual arousal. These thoughts can happen anytime, anywhere. If you find yourself fantasising often, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. It just means that you are having heightened sexual desires. And that is totally normal!
Based on research, at least 90% of adults fantasise on a regular basis.
So why do we fantasise in the first place? Simply put, our minds are creative, sexual and exploratory. Think about fantasising as dreaming. Letting your mind drift into an imaginary world. A place where one can explore your sexual self with no boundaries and no guilt. By being free to explore, our fantasies help us better understand our own needs and wants. They also enhance our sexual desires, making sex way more pleasurable.
As you question sexual fantasies, it is useful to think of it as part of your sexual identity. Fantasies can come in any shape or form, and if your heart and mind desire, these fantasies can even include risqué themes, actors, even characters or objects. And they can have little resemblance to anything in your real world. More often that not, sexual fantasies are healthy. Discussing them with your partners and acting on them with mutual consent can strengthen your relationship.
Yet at times, these fantasies may stray far. They may not align with your desired sexual identity or are not accepted by your partner. This can create distress and frustration over time. It is at this point that fantasies becomes unhealthy. If you are dealing with these struggles, here are three tips that might help:
1. Accept your sexual fantasies. Sexual fantasies are completely normal, no matter what the fantasy is.
“The more we talk sexual fantasy and normalise the conversation, the less we’ll beat ourselves up for having twisty, sexual, steamy [thoughts]” - sex coach Gigi Engle.
2. Know that it is a personal or couple's choice to perform fantasies. You are free to express your sexual identity as long as both parties consent these fantasies.
3. Seek help from therapy early if the fantasies are causing emotional distress. This can happen when you are over-obsessed or struggle to accept your fantasies. Often, these struggles come from a deeper emotional or relationship issue.
Remember, it is only normal for us to fantasise about sex, just like how we have dreams. So let your sexual desires free and explore sexual pleasures true to you!